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Should We Stay Together?, by Jeffry H. Larson
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The fact is, some couples need more time to mature, some need to work through specific issues, and some should never be together. But how do you know? What factors add up to success-or failure-in a relationship? Author Jeffry Larson knows; in fact, he knows a lot about what predicts a happy marriage. Based on Larson's twenty-plus years of research and experience in marriage and family therapy, Should We Stay Together?debunks many time-honored myths as it provides couples with the tools they need to make better decisions and thoroughly explore every aspect of their relationship. From individual characteristics, idiosyncratic family histories, unresolved conflicts and needs, and combined strengths and weaknesses, this step-by-step scientific method for relationship evaluation-based on the highly accurate RELATE premarital assessment questionnaire-will help couples understand the specific traits that predict a satisfying-or disastrous-relationship.
- Sales Rank: #513383 in Books
- Color: White
- Published on: 2000-05
- Released on: 2000-04-25
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.29" h x .44" w x 7.05" l, .77 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
- ISBN13: 9780787951443
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
Amazon.com Review
Falling in love is the easy part; finding a truly compatible mate takes know-how. Drawing from a 10-year study of premarital characteristics that predict later marital satisfaction, author Jeffry H. Larson presents an excellent resource for couples considering marriage. Opening chapters debunk the many myths associated with happy relationships, everything from searching for soul mates to obeying the whims of the heart. Larson points to three key factors that affect all partnerships: contexts (each person's background), individual traits, and couple traits; he then shows how similarities and differences in each category lead to success or failure in marriage. By far the most intriguing aspect of this combination textbook and workbook is its series of checklists, discussion questions, and short tests designed for assessing one's relationship. Working alone or with their partners, readers can rather quickly determine the potential long-term satisfaction of their current relationships, based on the 24 key characteristics outlined in Larson's Relationship Evaluation (RELATE) questionnaire. Brief questions regarding similarity of values, communication skills, and conflict response patterns receive points that correspond to an evaluation scale. Larson concludes each exercise with plenty of clear, descriptive support material so participants can better interpret their test scores. For those who uncover a few bumps in their RELATE triangle, a final chapter offers an abundance of self-help and couples' therapy books, tapes, and workshops. --Liane Thomas
Review
"Here's your chance to learn more about the potential of your relationship. With this book, you'll learn about the things that put marriages-maybe yours-at risk and more importantly, what areas you need to focus on to build a lasting and happy relationship. With its strong basis in marital research, I highly recommAnd this book for those wanting to make a solid investment in their future together." --Scott Stanley, coauthor, Fighting for Your Marriage
"This book should be made available in every high school, church, and public library." --Diane Solee, director, Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education
"This book is based on the best of what is known about predicting marital satisfaction. Its style and content are unique and directly applicable to couples." --Bob Stahmann, author, Premarital and Remarital Counseling
From the Inside Flap
[head] Will we live happily ever after?The fact is, some couples need more time to mature, some need to work through specific issues, and some should never be together. But how do you know? What factors add up to success-or failure-in a relationship? Author Jeffry Larson knows; in fact, he knows a lot about what predicts a happy marriage. Based on Larson's twenty-plus years of research and experience in marriage and family therapy, Should We Stay Together? debunks many time-honored myths as it provides couples with the tools they need to make better decisions and thoroughly explore every aspect of their relationship. From individual characteristics, idiosyncratic family histories, unresolved conflicts and needs, and combined strengths and weaknesses, this step-by-step scientific method for relationship evaluation-based on the highly accurate RELATE premarital assessment questionnaire-will help couples understand the specific traits that predict a satisfying-or disastrous-relationship."Here's your chance to learn more about the potential of your relationship. With this book, you'll learn about the things that put marriages-maybe yours-at risk and more importantly, what areas you need to focus on to build a lasting and happy relationship. With its strong basis in marital research, I highly recommAnd this book for those wanting to make a solid investment in their future together."-Scott Stanley, coauthor, Fighting for Your Marriage"This book should be made available in every high school, church, and public library."-Diane Solee, director, Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education"This book is based on the best of what is known about predicting marital satisfaction. Its style and content are unique and directly applicable to couples."-Bob Stahmann, author, Premarital and Remarital Counseling
Most helpful customer reviews
36 of 38 people found the following review helpful.
Finally - a useful book on relationships!
By A Customer
This is an amazingly easy to read book - it also provides analytical, well researched information on a problem that a lot of us struggle with - finding the right spouse.
I personally don't read many self-help books and get turned off by test-your-relationship quizzes, but surprisingly this book does a very good job of putting across well researched ideas about premarital indications for a good marriage. It seems to be based on solid research done by social scientists. I like the way the author potrays the book as the "Consumer Reports" for marriage preparation.
The part I liked best was the explanation of myths about marriage -some of them were common sense, but others were interesting revelations that can potentially help you see hidden shades of your relationship.
On the flip side, maybe there were too many quizzes and the author seems to make a big deal about premarital counselling, seeking the experts, etc. But, for a book on relationships, Jeffrey Larson provides a lot of useful information that one could use to choose a better spouse.
Overall, for those of us that like to give ourselves a better than even chance at a successful marriage - this is a $20 well spent.
38 of 43 people found the following review helpful.
Who Doesn't Know This Stuff, Already?
By A Customer
I found this book to be easy reading. Most of the research discussed comes as little surprise. It is quite obvious to this reader that disagreements over key issues such as whether or not to have children, the wife's role in the marriage, premarital sex, and so on, would be a compelling arguement not to get married. I found myself skipping over many of the tests because my partner and I have already discussed the issues presented and I didn't need to know where he stood on them or vice versa.
Anyone who would have the good sense to question whether or not they should make a lifetime committment to their partner would have the common sense to know that the issues brought forth in this book are important. For everyone else - the folks who marry with their eyes closed - this book would definately be a good guide.
This book is a worthwhile read if you have trouble broaching personal issues with your mate. Many of the subjects discussed could be considered controversial in some relationships. My boyfriend, an easy-going guy with an open minded approach to our relationship, thought the idea of cosmo-like tests to see if we were meant for eachother was a little lame. He played along :)
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent resource for important decision
By Shane Hubler
While this book was recommended to me during a marital crisis (which led to my divorce), I consider the book's title to be somewhat misleading. It's intended audience is young couples considering _when_ to get married. It discusses many factors which are important for a successful (read "long-lived") marriage, especially issues that should be worked out before the wedding. It uses quantitative research to identify these factors.
While it was extremely helpful when helping me to understand why I was in the situation I found myself, it's real power became obvious to me when I recommended it to a friend. She was engaged to be married in a couple months and was getting a bad case of cold feet. It was clear to me that, while she had several legitimate concerns, it was not clear if the marriage should happen or not. She read the book, cover-to-cover, in about a week. She also managed to get her fiance to read it. After this, they decided that they were not ready to be married _but_ they would be some day (a key concept in the book - not ready now does not mean not ready ever). One year later, they married and, at last report, are still very happily married. They credit this book for clarifying their relationship and putting them on the right foot.
I should point out again that it focuses on young couples. It's advice, while still useful, tends to be a little too black and white for older couples. For example, it says that a person who is divorced is very unlikely to make a good marriage partner. While this may be true (and is almost assuredly true for a young person), it is not helpful information to a person who has been divorced or for an older person selecting a partner (the choices being a much younger person, a person who can't commit, a divorcee, and a person who lost their spouse).
I believe it is a must read for someone in their twenties getting married (along with "Good Marriages" - a must read for everyone entering a marriage). It is a useful read in your thirties. You have to pick and choose if you are older.
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